Angie Tabaczynski: December 2009

I found this on a website and it is OH so true! I can relate to most of these if not all.

*That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy. *That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment. *That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at O time. *That the longer you Try to Conceive, the more Pregnant women spring up around you. *That deep down inside, you can be a very jealous person. *That one day you wouldn't mind checking your CM or CP to see if it is your fertile period. *That you should have gone to medical school like your mom wanted, because you've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with you, you might as well be an M.D. *That you would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors you go to. *That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm. *That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines... until only one shows up every month. *That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work, too.) *That you have no control over some of the goals you set. *That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change! *That one day my DH would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside *That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby. *That miscarriage is so common. *That you would wish you had started TTC earlier. *That your friends' pregnancies would start to make you sad instead of happy. *That you wasted A LOT of money on birth control! *That you'd EVER be willing to stab yourself in the stomach or ass every day in the hopes that it will help get you PG. *That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school. *That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen. *That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby! *That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed! *That you could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unecessary. *That you would be happy to see abundant cervial fluid and tell your DH about it. *That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes you sad and when they tell you they have good news, you hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico. Ha! *That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast. *That had you bought stock in Clearblue Easy, you'd have your mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now. *That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid. *That having aunt flow show up makes you cry, no matter whose bathroom you are in. *That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last. *Feeling like you wish your life away in two-week increments. *That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad. *That a group of "strangers" who you will probably never meet, have now become your "best friends" when it comes to ttc. *That you would splash urine on your face while taking apart an home pregnancy test in the hopes there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it. *That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy. *That infertility is more common than you think. *That DH would get used to doing his 'thing' in a jar. *That one day all of this will make you stronger. *That no one you know (in your non-trying to conceive (ttc) life) would have any understanding as to how you feel. *That your temper and patience are much shorter than you ever thought. *That infertility is not as rare as you were led to believe. *That you would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and would burst into tears upon hearing their news. *That your faith in God would be tested heavily. That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence. *That you are very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies *That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say. ***** * That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to." *That you'd be glad to know that I have PCOS - because at least you know what's wrong. *That you would know about other peoples' BD, CP, CM but not know there real name, their DH's name, or their occupation. *That you could spend so much time and money on figuring out what your body is doing (or not doing). *That foreplay would consist of DH asking "How's your cervix today?" That an HSG will tell you more than just whether or not your tubes are blocked. You had no idea your uterus could be misshaped. *That one person could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems. *That some people just say the wrong things. *That a simple blood test costs $648! *That sex would ever become a chore! *That actually having a miscarriage would allow you to understand the loss that others have felt. *That miscarriage would make you want a baby even more than before! *That you would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling you "I know how you feel..." *That DH would be overly concerned that our Baby Dancing positions were the most effective ones *That you would become NUMB to the wonderful world around you that you already have *That you would become addicted to POAS (peeing on a stick) and not sleep at night because you couldn't wait to POAS in the morning! *That you would be so sad, and ashamed. *That you would learn to speak in code, like "I checked CM which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, dh won't let me for fear of BFN!" *That when AF showed up you would feel broken and dysfunctional. *That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks. *That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through. That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak. *That people would pity you and feel sorry for you. *That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy. *That you would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 20 months TTC...) *That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone you know would infuriate me beyond belief. *That you would have to schedule a Baby Dancing session so Dear Husband could do it in a cup a few days later. *That your friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 before you get pregnant with #1. *That you wouldn't be able to attend your friend's babies 1st birthday parties because of the question, "So, when are ya'll going to have children?" *That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down." *That you would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day. *That it puts this much strain on a marriage. *That you spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now you can't seem to lose the witch! *That you would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world you want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk you out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to you. *That being overweight would cause people to ask when you're due, which in turn could cause you to cry. *That you would yell at commercials on the TV. (That "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.") *That you would have to stop watching Birth Day and A Baby Story (two shows you love) because it just hurts too much. *That a friend would hide and ignore her own pregnancy to try to keep me from being upset. *That sex does NOT ALWAYS equal pregnancy or STD every time. *That your body has its own mind. *That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone. *That you would cry your eyeballs out b/c Aunt Flow showed. *That the human body and what it actually takes to conceive is so complex that it's amazing anyone ever gets pregnant in the first place. *That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for. *That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one. Yep. *That you feel useless as a female. *That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children. *That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right amount of the required "hormones" or doing what it should know how to do.

I am really looking forward to 2010, a new year! A fresh start and hopes of a new member in the Tabaczynski home.

This Christmas is just not the same, Sierra is spending the holidays with her mom in Washington and the hopes of our twins first Christmas is long gone. I was shopping for gifts at Costco a couple weeks ago and broke down right in the middle of the babies/kids section. I wished so badly that I was buying gifts for Max and Benjamin's 1st Christmas. December 20th was their 7 month angelversity, I can't belive it has already been so long. Most days are good but every once in a while I have a sad moment, day, thought.....It's very comforting to know where they are and who they are sitting next to as we celebrate his birth tomorrow!

The upside I get to spend another Chrismtas with my husband and have a little "alone" time! We will be spending a week together at our Mt. Hood cabin for some much needed time away. We can regroup and get ready for an adventurous 2010!

Happy Holidays!

With Love,
Angie